My Struggles With Structure and Why I Thrive on Non-Linear Thinking
From kindergarten to our first job, society teaches us that life requires structure. I have always felt so restricted by this because I can't think linearly. I find it impossible for my brain to adhere to a specific structure. I used to give myself such a hard time about this until I made a discovery that changed my life.
I've struggled all my life with sticking to a schedule, organization, or planning of any kind. It would make me feel claustrophobic - whether it was making lists, or writing in a particular format. As much as I wanted things like the bullet journal, Inktober, and 365-day challenges to work, they had the opposite effect on me. I'd worry so much about the format and structure of my writing, or having a routine for my art, it would stump my creativity.
Let's take marketing as another example. There are a plethora of guides and online courses on "5 steps to (insert incentive here)." The premise of the guide is always driven by structure and a step by step list. That to me is unachievable because I think intuitively and my path is usually very different from most.
I didn't understand why until I did the Myers Briggs personality test. I found out that I am an INFP, although I also have some INFJ traits.
This discovery changed my life. I realized that INFPs tend to work in circles (a great explanation of this is in this podcast) instead of in a linear way. As an INFP, I have to go with the flow. I have to do things spontaneously; whenever it feels intuitively right. I can't plan my creativity. I also find that because I am such an empath and overthinker, my energy drains much more quickly. Therefore, my energy is a precious commodity that I want to reserve for when the time is right.
“my energy is a precious commodity
that I want to reserve for when the time is right.”
I always knew I was different to others and would always find myself trying to fit in, but now I love this about myself. It's who I am, and it's the source of my creativity.
I know there are so many of you who feel the same. You might feel lost and disheartened because of certain structures. INFPs and INFJs make up only 0.3-4% of the population. This means there's also less information available to us. I want this blog to be a source of information for you in this process because since finding this out I feel so much less alone.
I try not to have obvious clickbait titles, but more meaningful ones that engage on a deeper level. I have done those in the past because I thought that that's what was done. I know now that I want to go deeper by engaging with people who have similar mindsets, especially as it seems there are so few people talking about these sorts of obstacles and how to overcome them.
A last note to say, be gentle to yourself. Please use these tests as guidance, not as an excuse for your behaviour as the tests are flawed by human input. We are the way we are, but understanding our lovely little quirks is so helpful. That's another typical INFP trait - self-improvement and the constant need to learn. I find that it makes me a better human when I understand myself more and it allows me to help others better. You have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping other passengers with theirs.
Now I understand myself a bit better, I no longer feel guilty that I am not of the convention that society says you have to fit into. It has also helped me narrow down what type of learning suits me best, by finding those that think in a similar way to me. I hope that my journey can inspire yours, too.
Resources discussed and further reading:
Free Myers Briggs test: 16 Personalities
Podcast Episode: Lauren Sapala Creativity For Introverts & Empaths INFJ &INFP Personality Types
Book: The INFJ Writer: Cracking the Creative Genius of the World's Rarest Type
Book: The INFJ Revolution: Reclaim Your Power, Live Your Purpose, Heal the World
Lauren Sapala’s Blog (great tips on creativity!)
Book: The Artist's Way: A Course in Discovering and Recovering Your Creative Self (one of the very few books that has put into words the things I have struggled with. Julia Cameron helped me discover how to channel all of the information I struggle to process into my art practice.)
Workbook: The Artist's Way: Workbook (great accompaniment for the book: all you need to do is fill in the blanks! I recommend having both, but if you have to pick one, get the book. It’s more in-depth than the workbook.)
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